I was introduced to Greek mythology in the sixth grade and I loved it. Full of drama and adventures, it was filled with stories of heroes rescuing damsels in distress and evil critters with horns who spit out fire. But looking back, the Greek gods were a trifling bunch who would be right at home on today’s reality shows. It was 12 major Greek gods and bunch of minor ones but I’m only going to discuss the most dysfunctional Greek god in mythological history. In my fabulous opinion
Zeus was the supreme ruler of Mount Olympus and king of the gods who was a horn dog of the highest order. He was the original baby daddy who had children scattered around the world and made the lives of mortal women hell on earth because they were unfortunate enough to catch his eye. Like poor Io.
All she did was exist, he saw her and he fell in lust. When he was caught chilling with her by his pathologically jealous wife Hera, he turned her into a cow. But Hera wasn’t no fool and knew her husband well so she asked for the cow because it was so pretty and his goofy ass gave Io to her. She would then put a creature named Argus in charge of watching Io because Argus had a hundred eyes and Io couldn’t escape. Eventually the god Hermes would come to her rescue by killing Argus allowing her to run away but even then, Hera stayed on her ass. She sent a gad fly to sting her constantly and it drove her mad. She jumped over a part of the sea in order to get away from the fly that would be called Ionian after her.
Eventually she made it to Egypt and Zeus would turn her back into a human. She would have a son with him named Epaphus and one of her descendants would be Hercules. But damn she went through hell because of Zeus’s horny ass.
Several women went through the bowels of hell because of Zeus and that is why he’s the most trifling, sneaky underhanded Greek god of all time. His entire existence was centered around his cock and as long as he was getting satisfied, he didn’t give a fuck about anything else. Not his wife whom he cheated on constantly. Not the women’s lives he destroyed because of his cock. Not the children created by his unions who were often left motherless because of his shenanigans. He cared about no one but himself and as I’ve gotten older and have reread his stories with an adult eye, I believe the writers of Greek mythology were giving game to women. Telling them how some men got down and to avoid them at all costs. Stay away from those Zeus fellas ladies because all they bring is cock and drama.
The Potty Mouth Granny 