The Potty Mouth Granny

I’m 52 years old and I’m currently going through that dreaded period in a woman’s life: menopause and it’s a motherfucker. It’s filled with a roller coaster of emotions, trials, and challenges.

First, let’s talk about these stanking ass hot flashes. Hot flashes can be defined as periods in which your body feels like it’s living in a sauna. From going to bed in a nightie and waking up buck ass naked because you have stripped down during the middle of the night because your entire body was on fire.

Then there is a thing called menopausal rage. On some days, I’m perfectly fine, and on others, I want to cut somebody. I recently purchased a small wooden sword with a cat’s head on the top for protection when I’m riding public transportation. Well that’s what I told myself but in reality, it’s for my pleasure, and that’s sick. I get a kick out of looking it and imagining plucking someone’s eyes out.

And the emotional mood swings in addition to the menopausal rage thingy is running rampant. I will go from cackling madly to crying like a broken-hearted child in five seconds, and this is on a daily basis. I’m surprised that my children haven’t packed up stakes and moved out the country by now.

But there are some upsides to menopause. As a woman going through the change of life, you really stop giving a fuck about stuff. Like my youngest daughter texted me to complain about her father and stepmom and I had to tell her to stop texting me because I don’t give a fuck about either of them or their issues. Not my monkey, not my show. I don’t give a fuck about nothing and it feels empowering to admit that. Finally.

And my libido is raging but these dudes are completely useless in 2023. Whew….

Lastly, going through menopause will also challenge a woman’s beliefs about aging. We live in a society that worships youth, and has a profound contempt for aging, especially an aging woman. We are considered of no importance once we are no longer able to produce children. Which is weird considering that the same society doesn’t give a fuck about children either, but as usual, I’m digressing. So if you are a woman, and you believe that older women are useless hags, that’s going to hurt you in the long run when you’re going through menopause. Because one can’t be young forever unless you die or turn into a statue.

I’ve never felt this good about myself as I do now even as I’m fighting hot flashes, nagging adult children, random weirdos, and wanting to beat up people for the most minimal reasons. I’m happy that I made it to this stage in my life cycle because I could be dead.