I am a woman who is a big kid at heart. I still love cartoons and collect Barbie dolls and at times, I have wondered if this was normal. So I did some reflection from within and decided that yes, it’s normal to like cartoons and collect dolls as an adult but….

What does that “but” mean? I am a sexual abuse survivor. I was molested from ages 11 to 14, a crucial period in a young girl’s life. The transition from tween to tween and for three years, I wore clothes to bed to prevent this fucker from probing my little girl’s body.

I had to put childish things to the side to protect my body. I didn’t entirely stop watching cartoons and playing with my dolls but damage was done to my psyche.

Now I’m safe. I can be that little girl again but at the same time watch cartoons with an adult eye. I can collect my Barbie dolls and rejoice when one comes in the mail. Without fear. I’m realizing that for a crucial moment in my life, I lived in fear and fear is such a horrible but powerful emotion. Especially as a child and I marvel at who I have become. I’m not bitter although I have every right to be but I believe that wallowing in bitterness rots your soul from the inside out and I will never let that happen to me.

So I will continue to collect my Barbies and cackle at the shenanigans of Woody Woodpecker. Still living and learning. Alive despite it all.