It’s probably not healthy but I spend more time thinking about the past than the future because my memories are all that I have left of my childhood family. With the death of my oldest brother almost four years ago, I became the sole survivor of my family and it’s been rough. Haven’t been able to celebrate holidays properly, crying randomly, anger issues. Just a ball of emotions ranging from sadness to anxiety to fear to anger. I’m doing much better than I was when he died but grief never ends. You just learn to cope.