Sometimes I want to beat my own ass for not being financially secure at my vast age.

It takes a lot of restraint not to crawl into that gutter called bitterness. I understand the people who live there. I really do.

You follow the blueprint. Do everything society tells you you’re supposed to do to be “successful.” You work, you sacrifice, you behave, you try to play by the rules. Then one day you look up and realize you’re still in the hole.

And on top of that, you’re “old” by societal standards. Some businesses don’t want to take the risk of an older employee, especially one with health issues like myself. Experience becomes invisible. Wisdom gets discounted. You’re told to age gracefully, quietly, out of the way—while still somehow paying all the bills.

But I refuse to rot in that gutter. I’m still here. Still thinking. Still writing. Still watching the world with clear eyes. If the system doesn’t know what to do with me, that’s not my failure. That’s its limitation. And I’ll keep moving anyway — stubborn, seasoned, and unashamed.