Written with tears running down my face.

I took my cat to the vet yesterday and learned that he has liver disease.

The vet was a kind man who told me that he doesn’t know how much time Diddy has left. It could be months. It could be longer. Or it could be less. There is simply no way to know for certain. What he did tell me was that, at 17 years old, the most important thing now is his comfort and quality of life. So he has his medication and new food.

Truthfully, I already knew something was wrong. Ever since he turned 17 last month, it was like I watched him become an old man right before my eyes.

Sleeping under the bed. Losing weight. Moving slower. Sleeping more. That spark that had always been there seemed to be fading little by little.

So the vet didn’t really tell me anything my heart didn’t already know. He simply confirmed what I had been dreading.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been fighting the inevitable. Trying to convince myself that maybe I was imagining things. Maybe he was just having an off day. Maybe he’d bounce back like he always has before.

But time eventually catches up with all of us, even the ones we love most.

Now I have to begin preparing myself for his transition, and that is a heartbreaking thing to accept. Diddy has been part of my life for so long that it’s difficult to remember a time when he wasn’t here. He has been my shadow, my companion, my comfort. My familiar.

There are some people who will never understand what I’m going through. They look at pets as disposable, as if they’re just animals that can be replaced. But they are not disposable. They are family.

Diddy isn’t “just a cat” to me. He’s been a constant presence through some of the best and worst moments of my life. He has loved me without judgment, comforted me without words, and shared my home for nearly two decades.

I know he’s still here, and I’m going to cherish every moment I have left with him. But today was one of those days that reminds me that love and grief often walk hand in hand.

My sweet old man is getting ready for the next chapter, and I’m trying my best to be brave enough to walk beside him for as long as I can.

But I’m going to be frank. I’m fucked up y’all.