It’s a new STI out here y’all and it’s called TMVII. Or as I lovingly call it, the motherfucking mange.

Now I know actual mange is something dogs get, but listen… I’m a writer with a vivid imagination and this new shit got “quarantine the blankets and boil the draws” energy. It causes painful lesions, irritation, and all kinds of misery. In other words, the coochie and peen community is in deep doo-doo.

This is exactly why folks need to stop raw dogging complete strangers like they are starring in a low-budget reality show called Love & Antibiotics. Some of y’all out here swapping bodily fluids like Pokémon cards and acting shocked when your downstairs starts sending distress signals to the Pentagon.

Don’t come over here calling me mean. I’m not mocking sick people. I’m mocking the reckless behavior of folks who treat sexual health like an optional elective instead of basic damn common sense and decency. Now it’s a sexual ringworm on the loose.

Wrap it up. Ask questions. Get tested. Because the dating pool already got enough pee in it without folks adding mutant infections into the water supply.

The streets are tired. The clinics are tired. And apparently the bacteria done entered its supervillain era so be careful with your lil thangs and holes.